Hỏi thế gian tình là chi? Mô phật

[TT_LưuLyTím_TT]

Hôm qua thấy mà quên nói, đừng cho bé Anna mang earring vòng to, phải bắt đầu từ cái nhỏ xí có cái chốt lại, bé không có giựt ra được hoặc nắm kéo khi bị ngứa. Cái này quan trọng lắm áh David, nếu không dễ bị infection. Bé Anna nhìn đẹp với đôi bông tai vòng to, nhưng để mai mốt lớn chút, cỡ KhaThy giờ này Lỳ cũng chưa cho đeo vòng to, vì lúc chơi hay vướng, và có khi con nít khác vô tình giựt phải , hơn nữa ở daycare hay trường học họ không cho em bé mang earrings nào too wide or too long là vậy. Nếu to thì tối phải tháo ra tháo vô , có khi quên tháo bé khó ngủ, đau và có khi bị infected. Start with the small one for lil angel Annabella nha David.

[vuongminhthy]

Ngày 6-6 @ 10:06 pm,

It is ten o'clock, sitting at home waiting. Anna is asleep and so is Evan. They both look so peaceful.

After work today, I drove over to see what the deal was all about. She was at home with her so call bff and my nephew. Both were dressed and ready to go, enjoying their girls night out. I came in the door and the first thing I asked was "what would you do if I didn't come over? Would you just drop him off at my door steps and leave, just like that?"

No answer.

Looked at her from head to toe and gave her a hint "it's going to drop to the low 60s by this evening, you know that right? Don't you think what you're wearing is a little, hmm, too short?"

"It's June"
"Hey! I'm just saying. Why don't you bring a coat or something just in case."
Shrugged shoulders. I was thinking "Is she giving me the silent treatment, seriously???"

She obviously didn't get the message that she was dressing a little, uh, what shall I say, how do I want to put it? Just, simply, no women would dress like that unless they want to pick up men or wanted to be pick up by men. smh. So I took off the coat that I was wearing for work, because my office is always freezing like Antarctica, and tossed it at her. She was like "oh you do care." Of course I do!

Mean while, her gf was sitting on the couch holding the baby and looked at me with this weird smile on her face smh. I can tell her gf knows what's going on. Wrong! There is nothing going on, get the facts straight!

Anyway, I'm so mentally exhausted. I'm just glad she is hanging out with her gf tonight instead of some dudes, and oh I hope her gf is smart enough to wake her up. That's if her gf is a true friend. Please talk it out with your bff.

As soon as they left, I had to pick up Anna so I went to install another car seat as quickly as I can. Drove Evan to day care, got Anna, and brought both of them home. Anna was so happy she kept petting Evan's head saying "baby Evan."

He is such a trooper, though he does have a pair of good lungs, screamed his little head off when I tried to change his diapers lol



At least now I know that special friend she refused to say the name is her bff/maid of honor. And I hope that's who she spends the whole night with.

Around dinner time, I received a text message saying "hey, I'm going to be home a little later than the time I told you."

Fine! If you want a night out with your girlfriend to release all of the stress because you have been taking care of a baby, all of those restless nights, then that's fine with me. Hey! I have a kid, I understand how stressful it is for a new mom when she is all by herself. So go out and have some fun. But remember what you told me, come back at 9:30 pm.

Well, holy sh**! It is passed ten. Hình bóng đâu mất, một cú gọi phone cũng không. No reply to text messages neither. I'm about to go downtown and freaking tear Ceoltas bar apart if that's what it takes to find her.

And now it is 10:45 pm, almost 11 o'clock. Still not back yet! Should I call Hùng to go to Ceoltas and look for her or call him to come over here to watch the babies and I go downtown looking for her instead?

sigh

And I have inspection at work tomorrow. I need rest smh.

[vuongminhthy]

It is passed mid night,

Somebody is finally back from who knows where. She came in the door drunk!!! Drunk as drunk can be. And she is not a drinker. Usually that's what I do. Infact, I have never seen her like this, smh.

Her gf brought her back, thank the lord the gf is still sober, I hope, because that person is driving home right now.

Before the gf left, I asked the gf "how much did H drink?"

"a couple shots"
"just a couple? Are you sure?"
"hmm... maybe six or seven"

Six or seven shots? I hope you are kidding. That means for someone her size then her blood level alcohol is currently almost at 0.2, toxicity alert!!! That's a lot of alcohol for someone who doesn't drink as often as she does smh.

Now I'm sitting in my living room with my labtop while the two babies are sleeping in Anna's room. And what's more, a woman, who is not Allison, is drunk and sleeping on my bed.

Something is seriously wrong with this picture!!!!!!!

What have I done to deserve this? Don't answer that question. Allow me! Is it because of all of the things I did back in the past? If so, how long do I have to pay for my mistakes? Am I being punished forever? smh

Looks like it is going to be another sleepless night sigh.

Ngồi đây, trong hoàn cảnh này, những hồi ức hư hỏng của bản thân vào mấy năm trước lại hiện về

smh

[vuongminhthy]

Almost one o'clock in the morning,

I'm still up taking care of a drunk person, who just puked all over the place. Great!

This is the first time I take care of a drunk person who is not myself. How ironic is that? Smh

[vuongminhthy]

Ngày 6-7 @ 7:44 am,

Cả đêm không ngủ, sáng nay đi làm như người mộng du. Có mỗi một cái data analysis mà cứ viết sai mãi. Trí não rớt đi đâu mất, không thể nào chú tâm làm việc được smh



Ngồi một hồi thì lắp ráp cái hình này sigh



Nhìn dễ thương đấy nhỉ, lát chiều mang về cho Anna chơi.

Currently, I am in a very awkward situation at home. Có nên nói những lời từ chối trước khi J trở về? Và nhất là trước khi reunion hay là đợi đến sau khi mọi người vui vẻ họp mặt nhau đây? Trong giây phút này rất cần một người bạn để xin một lời khuyên chân thành... smh

[vuongminhthy]

Ngày 6-7 @ 11:24 am,

Inspection is done, walked through by the main boss from the power plant is over. I got sastifatory. That's a relief. Thank goodness for all of the hard work that I did, finally paid off. He was extremely happy with my performance and the way I run my lab. My technicians all reported good things about me, thanks guys. Gotta go celebrate sometimes with Anna this weekend. Oh, almost forgot I have a family reunion this Sunday at noon, thôi thì tuần sau celebrate with Anna vậy.

Current situation: I'm so tired. Mentally exausted. Haven't been to the gym in two days. I need to get back on track, start weight lifting again for an hour every other day and one hour cardio everyday after work, before I pick Anna up from day care. Going to the gym keeps me from drinking and thinking about stuff I don't want to think about.

As of right now, I want to go home and lay down so badly. I think I might be getting sick, cái đầu đau như búa bổ smh. But if she is still over at my house then I don't even know where to go after work sigh

Cảm giác có nhà mà không về được là như vầy hay sao? smh

[vuongminhthy]

Ngày 6-8 @ 12:15 am,

Lại thêm một đêm không ngủ được. Trời khuya, còn bốn tiếng đồng hồ nữa là phải chuẩn bị đi làm.

My entire body is aching right now, every muscle feels weak. And when I stand up I see flashes, đầu quay vòng vòng và thấy hàng ngàn ánh sao. Am I sick? Again? For the second time this year. I usually don’t get sick this often. What is wrong with me lately? I don't have time to be sick atm, sigh.

…

Lúc ban chiều đi làm về, định đến gym như lại chóng mặt nên thôi, bỏ ý định, đợi ngày mai. Vậy là trong ba ngày liên tiếp không workout, có lẽ vì vậy cho nên oải trong người. Sau đó muốn đi đón Anna nhưng hơi sớm một tiếng đồng hồ nên quyết định láy xe về nhà nằm nghỉ một lát. Smh. I forgot I had a guess at home. Last night, her friend dropped her off at my house, so that was the reason she didn’t have a car to drive back to her house. And my little nephew was also there too, at my house I meant.
So I parked my SUV in the drive way. It was so hot outside today, hot, humid, and pouring, mưa từng cơn mưa rào, nasty. I could feel my sweat dripping down my shirt even though the AC was blasting in the SUV.
I came in the back door. As soon as I shut the kitchen door I was very tired, and hot. So I took my shirt off and threw myself on the floor. Face down, almost felt asleep. I was so out of it I didn’t even hear foot steps. Suddenly, someone grasped my left shoulder. Speaking of freaking out. I almost had a heart attack. Thank god I only took my shirt off. What would happen if I took my pants off? Don’t answer that question. Smh

That was really awkward!!!

It wasn’t time to pick Anna up yet, but I didn’t want to stay in the house so I put my shirt back on and pretended like it was time for day care to shut down. I ran out as fast as I could and drove to day care to pick up my daughter. Speaking of adrenaline rushing in a man’s body. I was exhausted but all of a sudden I had all sort of energy to get myself out of the house. A human’s body is a mystery. Khi đối diện vấn đề ngặt nghèo thì có bệnh hay là mệt mỏi cỡ nào cũng hết.

After I picked Anna up, we drove around town for a while. But then I realized she had to go home with my nephew somehow so I brought Anna back. By the time I got there it was six thirty-ish. Anna needs to eat dinner so I roasted chicken and some vegetables and asked her to stay too.



It was the most awkward dinner I have ever had in my entire life, period. It didn’t feel right. Infact, it felt really odd. And we spent a lot of time eating dinner together before. But this time the chemistry was off the chart. There were no conversations what so ever. I just wanted to finish eating as quickly as possible, and then offerred to take her home. She was sitting across the dining table, helping me feed Anna and looking at me from time to time or so I think. I wasn’t peeking, but I could just feel what was going on. It was so awkward. I felt like the whole room was pitched black and the ceiling was going to fall down on me. Smh

Speaking of awkwardness, the ride home was worse. She was crying, quietly, the whole time in the passenger seat. I didn’t know what to do or say, and I had to stay focus on the road or else I would get in a wreck. If the person is Allison then I would pull over, hug her or give her kisses but in that situation the person is not my wife. So none can do. Sigh. Awkward. I think I say that word too many times today but that word is the only word can be used to describe the situation.

When I pulled into her drive way, she finally said something. She asked “were you mad yesterday?”

Didn’t really know where she is taking me on this conversation so I asked back:

“about?”
“I came home late, were you upset?”
“yes”
“were you worried?”
“yes”
“you do care?”
“yes”
“you do?”
“yes”
“why? Is it because you love me?”
“No!”
???
“I took care for a member in my family, who was drunk, that’s all.”

Silent for a minute, then she asked:

“if I’m not one of your family members, will you still take good care of me?”
“yes, I do care for all of my friends”
“did you really love me back in college?”
“I don’t know”

That question came out of no where. I wasn’t expected that. It has been so long since Etown. I was 18, and I really don’t remember what I was doing besides getting myself in trouble atm. The conversation continue:

“why did you leave me?”
“you know why I left you, I got kick out of school. I was caught drinking on campus, remember?”
“why didn’t you come back, or say something before you left?”
“…”
“I waited for you for years.”
“…”
“If you haven’t met Allie, would you love me?”
“what do you mean?”
“I meant at the wedding, when we saw each other again. If Allie wasn’t there, would you get back…get together with me?”
“…”

I really don’t know how to answer that question. All of the what if questions. It really doesn’t matter because we can’t go back in time and change things. Besides, why would she ask me something that I can’t answer, or allow to answer. Even if I was to say yes, it would be so wrong. She is married. I’m married. We both have kids. My wife is not here but her husband is still alive. And he has feelings. Even if he is not my brother, I still wouldn’t mess with someone’s wife. I will not do that. I’m not who I was.

TG the conversation ended when my nephew started crying in the back seat. He timed it perfectly.

What a horrible, horrible situation. But atleast she got the true answers out of me. And then, right before she got out, she turned around and said “when J comes back tomorrow night, I’m going to let him know I talked to a lawyer, paper works are in.”

She closed the passenger door, took Evan and walked away. Didn’t even give me a chance to ask questions. I was in total shock.

What paper work? What is she talking about? Please don’t do this! Not before the reunion. Oh my god! What does she want? What does she want from me? What does she want me to do? I’ll do it, please. I’ll do anything. Please don’t walk away from J. Let’s talk this out. There has to be a solution. Why do you have to take the exit? Can we fix this? Somehow? What’s going on???

Stress

I’m going to be very sick. I can’t sleep for the 2nd day in a row. I’m mentally exhausted

[vuongminhthy]

Một giờ mười một phút, trời sắp sáng rồi sigh

[vuongminhthy]

Người ơi, khi cố quên là khi lòng nhớ thêm, dòng đời là chuỗi tiếc nhớ, mơ vui là lúc nghìn đắng cay xé tâm hồn...

Đang nghe bài hát mà em yêu thích,

Anh nhớ em

[vuongminhthy]

Ngày 6-8 @ 8:21 am, in conference all day today. It starts at 11:00 am.

It is Friday morning and I had an awesome start.

Actually, I was lying. My day started with me locking myself out of my house!

Tối hôm qua không ngủ được, nằm trên giường mà đầu óc cứ bận suy nghĩ, tính toán xem phải xử trý vấn đề đau lòng, đau tim, và đau đầu này như thế nào. Mãi cho đến ba giờ sáng mới nhắm mắt lại. Thức dậy lúc năm giờ, stood in the shower for I don't even know how long, but it was very relaxing.

Sau đó thì đi đến phòng của Anna, đánh thức bé dậy, changed her diaper, brushed her teeth, dressed her up pretty, gave her chocolate milk, packed her bag (cereal, cut up some pinapples, strawberry, papaya, lunch is provided at day care).

Xong phần của Anna rồi thì bắt đầu thay đồ đi làm. Kiểm tra thử xem cellphone và wallet có trong túi hay không. Có.

Lúc chuẩn bị đi ra khỏi cửa thì thấy cái trash can đầy rồi nên cột cái bịch rác lại và mang ra ngoài. Khi bước chân ra khỏi cửa thì theo quáng tính mà với tay khóa chốt từ bên trong.

Và đương nhiên là bỏ rác xong rồi thì... không có chìa khóa. Anna còn ở trong nhà. Oh sh**!

Nhìn vào ô cửa thì thấy Anna đang nằm trên couch drinking her chocolate milk out of her sippy cup. Xâu chìa khóa đang ở trên bàn nên gõ vào cửa sổ, chỉ tay về hướng cái bàn, nhưng kẹt cái là Anna không hiểu sigh. Nói với bé rằng "Anna, get the keys for daddy." Anna nhắm mắt lại, uống sữa tiếp smh.

Không biết làm sao, ngoài trừ gọi phone cho người đang giữ cái spare key, ở gần nhà. Nhưng lại không muốn gọi người đó.

Khoảng chừng hai phút sau, khi ly sữa cạn rồi thì Anna mới leo xuống ghế và đi lại chỗ cửa sổ. Từ bên ngoài nghe bé nói "oh, where's daddy?" Rồi thì bé khóc ré lên và gọi "daddy!!!"

Nghe mà nát lòng.

So I pulled the phone out of my pocket and decided to call her over here to help me out. smh. Lại thêm một hoàn cảnh ngượng ngùng.

Nhưng trước khi nhấn nút gọi thì quyết định gát phone vì kịp nhìn thấy cái AC unit mà đã gắn ở cửa sổ của phòng ăn dinner. Rồi thì tháo xuống. It was so heavy oh my lord. Cũng may là không có cảnh sát chạy xe ngang qua hỏi thăm sức khỏe, nếu không thì phiền to, họ tưởng có ăn trộm, còng về đồn cảnh sát tới lúc đó lại thêm mọi sự rắc rối lol.

Leo vô trong nhà từ cửa sổ smh. Quẩn trí mất rồi. Anna mừng lắm, bé chạy lại, hugged my legs và khóc. I love you so much Anna. Ba yêu con rất nhiều, yêu mẹ của con nữa nhưng Allison không còn ở đây...

Rồi thì chở Anna đến day care và đi làm. Hôm qua bối rối nên không check messages trong phone. Hôm nay mới phát hiện có tin vui.

Hồi tuần trước có lén lút nghỉ một hôm đi interview chỗ làm khác bởi vì có người bạn giới thiệu. Chỗ đó cũng làm Annalytical chemistry, giống hệt công việc đang làm cho chính phủ, tuy nhiên là company tư nhân, trả lương cao hơn. Thấy hay hay nên đi thử, và chủ yếu làm xem bản thân có còn marketable hay không, có compete nổi với những người candidate khác hay không. And I got the position :)

I listenned to the message, they're offering the position with good benefits, making $102,000 a year, overtime is not included so they said "you will make alot more than that amount." Company này ở New Jershey.

Sounds tempting. Nếu như nhận công việc này thì có thể bắt đầu trong vòng hai tuần, thay vì chờ đến tháng tám đi Michigan. Tính sao đây? Cách chọn lựa nào là tốt nhất trong hoàn cảnh này?